We're all liars here.
Monday, April 17, 2017
Monday, April 17, 2017 / Comment
9.23.15 who keeps reusing the same photo for the first blog post? me.

It was last year that I decided to again make a Blogger account in hopes of taking a different approach in blogging and, at the very least, try to make that marketable blog that I’ve always wanted ever since I started venturing deeper into the blogosphere. While I felt really excited about my new project and another beginning for my blogging adventure, halfway through the process (yet again), I felt entirely different.

I thought it was just another dry spell—motivation and inspiration wise—or that I’m mere itching to revamp my blog theme which for some reason coincides with my will to make a blog post until I realized the actual reason a few days ago: Honesty. Or my lack there of.

The truth is I feel like a big fraud whenever I read my blog.

If there is one blogging tip that made an impact and stuck with me after countless of ‘’Blogging Tips” and/or “How to Grow Your Blog” articles I have read online over the past years is this: Create a blog that you would enjoy reading. And over the (also) many blogs I’ve made and deleted, it’s that mantra I’ve always tried to follow until Electrick Cities. I would read the few posts I’ve written on that blog and I wouldn’t enjoy myself and worse, I would always get the impression that the author is such "a plastic" which made me more frustrated. I would always think that I shouldn’t be feeling that way because I am the author of what I am reading but it seems like I don’t recognize this person.

At that time, I couldn’t fathom why I felt so or why the sense of satisfaction and pride for the only thing in my life that I have put so much time and commitment on never comes and so I continued on blissfully pretending, ignoring with all my might that irritating feeling of inauthenticity that I get from my own words. Because then again, maybe I’m just being dramatic, right? Maybe I’m just bored out of my mind with nothing left to do except overthink even the simplest of things? But I logged into Bloglovin last week and explored one of my favorite blog again after months, everything was made clear to me.

Those blog posts, those words wasn’t me. Electrick Cities wasn’t my truth.

Sure, my blog still had photos I took, my own stories and such but it wasn’t my person—not even the least of who I was at that time and definitely not who I am today—because truth be told, I wasn’t over people’s judgment as I proclaimed* I was, as satisfied and fulfilled with my everyday routine as I described to be, as inspired, and definitely not growing with the pace like how I pictured on my blog. I was honestly pretentious and thus, I guess, what made me not enjoy the blog. Both creating and reading it.

Truth, Vulnerability and our Double Identities.

What makes Katie’s blog resonate so much to me, I realize, is that not only Katie writes beautifully but also because I could feel her honesty etched in every word. And perhaps that’s also the reason why I find her style of writing beautiful, it was honest. It was her truth. As I read through her blog, I say to myself with conviction, “You know what, I want that for myself, too," only to end up staring blankly at my dad’s laptop**, an empty screen for days unable to come up with anything for a blog post or anything sensible, really, to write and talk about.

Speaking truthfully means coming 100% clean and along with it is being open and completely vulnerable which is especially scary on the internet. And am I ready for that? Do I have the strength to put myself out there in a place where practically everyone and anyone could see me? Worse, pass on judgement and all the other stuff the dark side of the internet force will other people to do? And all that for just for a blog?

My father said over lunch that everyone, especially the generation I belong in, keep double identities as an effect of how much social media has become part of our lives and ultimately leading to either a complicated, stressful lifestyle or a more challenging than usual identity crisis. Or even in some cases, both at the same time. And I pondered over that idea as I wrote this post.

My dad, like all other times he imparted his philosophical analogies unto me, was right. Along the way of using too much Facebook, Twitter, Instagram… a blog, we do create a second personality. Whoever—a meme enthusiast, a huge borderline obsessed fan girl, and etc—we have become in this digital age, whether it is out of our efforts of keeping a semblance of privacy or, like me, in fear of appearing vulnerable, we portray an image that’s entirely separate and different from who we actually are and in return, stray us from being truly honest and genuine.

Maybe that's what I have become.


image taken from witanddelight

The challenge now: Prove it wrong.

It’s all been said and done and the two things left for me now is to move forward and take on the challenge of proving my father wrong. I do believe there is still honesty and genuineness left in the internet particularly in the blogging community. Most especially, I have the courage and strength to be myself, be genuine and speak my truths. It will be challenging, I know, especially for someone like me who has always found speaking out my thoughts and feelings uncomfortable but I know that the end result of these efforts of honesty will be equally rewarding and satisfying.

This is where I hope to take this (another) new beginning of my blogging journey.

I changed my url from electrickcities to mariedaniella with a new template that I made and that I swear I’m going to keep for a long time (feel free to berate me if I don’t) and in the process of updating my pages and creating the concepts for new content—all following the new theme and/or goals.

Truthfully, there is a lengthier version of this post where I tried to properly explain my exact goals but I decided that it could be simpler explained into this: Mariedaniella is a reflection.

It reflects my thoughts, opinions, inspirations and feelings in raw and in truth. It reflects my hope of starting deep and meaningful conversations, my drive for a conscious lifestyle all the while staying curious and inspired. Moreover, like Scarphelia, Mariedaniella will be my space to share my efforts of pursing an extraordinary and meaningful life. Call it a diary, if you will. This is where I will share my stories of my constant pursuit of, like John Green’s Pudge would always say, “A great perhaps.”

I’d like to think that has always been my reason for blogging so I could stay positive that I was being rational about putting all these effort and time on this and that I've always had it in me. I guess at some point I just lost sight of it. I buried it as I tried to confirm to a blogging niche—a niche that was much more popular but didn’t reflect my person but I have regain a clear… or even clearer sight than before of it now. I'm here for me. I'm persisting this for me. Not that I do not recognize you, my dearest reader. I'm just letting go of being bounded of conformity to expectations of what other people perceives a blog should be and how a person should think, what a person should create.

I am grateful for you, reader and I do hope that in this new quest of mine for truth and an extraordinary life, whenever you feel connected and relating, know I am not here to show you how-to's and such. No, because honestly, I don't even know half of what I am doing. Much better, I am here to hold your hand and we can (crazily but definitely enjoying) navigate and celebrate life together!

And so here we go.



          

*transferred some old blog posts I didn't want to delete to tumblr since Blogger won't allow a private post
**i broke my laptop last week and I'm not okay... [cries in a corner]
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